Foot Town! - Days 82&83

About a month ago, I walked past a camper and got the strongest whiff of dirty socks. At the time, I thought to myself damn.. is that entire trailer just used for laundry? I doubted that was the case, probably just some active person with particularly stinky feet; something that could, and has, been said about myself 😂 So no shade intended, just a general curiosity.

Over the coming weeks, I continued to get the same inklings of smell in the same area. However, the trailer camper had moved.. so I started brainstorming other possible situations. The area is the complex of staff apartments for the resort here; so maybe I was getting it from a shared laundry room? Or, less realistically, maybe someone was ditching their smelly shit in the trees right there? After all, this was prior to our two-month drought being ended.. so a lingering smell wasn’t entirely out of the question. But, I started to notice it all over town; in random, short spurts. Finally, when it got stronger after the rain, I decided to let down my comical little sock theories and figure out what was actually going on.

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It turns out it’s a plant; “alpine buckwheat, eriogonum pyrolifolium- literally most commonly known as the “dirty sock plant”. Well, mystery solved. There was no real point to all that- just a funny little period of my life on the stinky feet case.. that just turned out to be a native plant to the area. Well done, Mother Nature, cause I really REALLY thought that that was some stanky ass feet.

On a related note, whilst my friend was visiting from the home side of the country last week, we spontaneously decided to go to a local Bigfoot museum. For those who don’t know, the Pacific Northwest is known as the kind of Sasquatch-hub of the world. The place was actually much more extensive and compelling than I had expected- and it sounds like there’s an interesting history to the owner’s past in relation to the cryptid; so, I hope to go back with ample time soon to get some photos and hopefully get some info on the history of the place. Maybe the founder will even let me interview him. Anyways, there’s a squeeze bottle in there that contains supposed sasquatch pheromones- and I joked that it smelled just like my socks after a long day of manual labor or snowboarding. So now, every time I pass this plant, I jokingly think to myself damn, Bigfoot is following me

So that’s my little tidbit. At the very least, I learned something about horticulture. Kind of. I doubt I’ll ever forget it. And, it was probably the most interesting part of my last couple of days. Yesterday I tried shifting around the set up in my van a bit, now that I’m learning what I realistically need quick access to and what’s kind of just in the way. I think I’m starting to get it pretty dialed- the other set back was trying to do so in between rain showers. I don’t have any cover where I’m at, so I just had to lay down some towels in the mud to place stuff on after pulling it out of the van. A good system, more or less, which then motivated me to do laundry so I didn’t have wet, muddy towels laying around. While my shit was drying, and my power bank was charging, I decided to go for a little walk. I got further and further away from the laundromat, and of course, right as I decided to turn around, it started down pouring. I RAN back to that bitch absolutely soaked, and with 15 minutes left on the dryer, threw my fleece and beanie on top of a tumbleweed of socks, pajamas and towels. It didn’t really fully do the trick, and I got back to the van shivering and without feeling in my fingers. I was so motivated to get some writing done and finish organizing the van- but instead I just put on dry clothes and disappeared under my blankets. A cozy end to a somewhat unproductive day.

But it wasn’t unproductive. That’s what I’m really struggling with, mentally. I need to learn to cut myself some slack every now and then. From a lifetime of feeling less-than and not-good-enough, it’s extremely difficult for me to accept that I am ever doing enough, and healing through that is a process. The loneliness I have willingly taken on by moving into a 1995 van in a strange town to start a new life is difficult for me; but things like this are a strong reminder that I need this to HEAL. I have so much unprocessed trauma that I spent my entire 20s “dealing with” by partying, and it’s time for me to sift through that and be okay with myself. HAPPY with myself, even. It’s difficult, but I’m making progress. The constant need to do more, to be more, is slowly fading into the back of my worst enemy- my brain.

While I’m on the topic of loneliness, though, things are starting to change around here. Today I took the bus up to work, so that I did not disturb the pile of belongings in my driver seat that I yet need to find the correct home for. I made a “friend” at work, and ran into them on my walk back down the mountain after. Immediately after, I ran into my new van friend- a professional snowboarder who started parking by me here and there. On that same walk, I ran into a couple other people that are becoming friendly faces. A month ago, I didn’t have a single conversation other than with tourists at work. It feels good to start dipping my toes into the community here. I think people were a little cold beforehand because so MANY people show up to this town for a few months, fuck shit up, and take off leaving a mess behind. So it’s understandable that locals can be hesitant of new people hanging around. September is certainly that part of the year where there’s really no reason to be around unless you plan on staying for a bit, and actively contributing to the community. Which I plan to.

Two days of starting to feel better about my place here; not just this town, but this planet. Nearly 90 days off the sauce, and working on myself in place of it. Would I be having more fun here and likely have more friends were i to still be drinking? Absolutely. But I would also be a mental train wreck behind closed doors, and would not have the somewhat positive outlook I am developing. Slowly.

Cheers to progress, people. Mental health is a bitch, and so is addiction. If anyone out there happens to be reading this and struggling with one or both of those problems, please feel free to reach out. I hope everyone is having the day they deserve :)