My shenanigans at World Cup events in Da Nang, Vietnam

There's nothing wrong with a little cultural ribbing in the expat community and since I have over 20 years of experience living abroad almost all of which took place in South East Asia, you could say that I have a lot of experience in this realm.

I do kind of go out of my way to pretend to be the guy that I actually WAS 2 decades ago though and it can be a lot of fun because the other people who are the "victims" of my foolishness almost always take the bait and I am able to keep a straight face about it because I am a bit of an actor and take a lot of pride in my ability to rather harmlessly get people worked up about something that isn't true and I don't believe that it is, but it can be a lot of fun.

I'm also bigger than most people so this never results in aggression and if it did I would walk it back. I hate violence but just happen to be quite good at it if I have to use it.

Anyway, that hasn't happened and if it did I would stop these shenanigans because it isn't my objective to genuinely hurt anyone, feelings or otherwise.

Here are two tactics that always work at my recent get-togethers with people that do not know me at World Cup events.

Feign complete ignorance as far as the sport or nations are concerned

and

Insist that anything American is the "best" at whatever... it really doesn't matter what it is

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The first part of my master plan is to go to a bar that is not in my neighborhood and therefore the locals are not going to know who I am for the most part. Bamboo 2 is perfect for this. It is popular, has a group of its own locals, and is also really big in the tourist realm of things.

Then the second part of my plan comes into motion. I'll ID the non-Americans or maybe some who are (it really doesn't matter) and then I will go up to the bar and order something that is a lot more available here in Vietnam than you would expect.

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I am not loud when I do this by the way. It is not my objective to mess with everyone at the bar or ruin anyone's day, but it really is extremely easy to pull this off because I don't know what it is about Budweiser, perhaps it is their own claim of being the "King of Beers" but the very existence of this beverage seriously irritates people from Australia, New Zealand, and all of Europe.

I get one of these, go back to my chair and my newly acquired friends (people are actually quite friendly here) and this is when I "pull the trigger" and say something like Man, it is good to finally have a decent beer in this country, you know what I mean?

Then I go back to watching the game and just wait. Someone always takes the bait to inform me that "Budweiser fucking sucks dude!" and I just pretend to have no idea what they are talking about or will be very surprised that anyone would have that opinion about the "world's greatest beer!" I can keep this going for a long while and sometimes the people start to get really irritated that someone doesn't hate Budweiser.

The real thing is that I don't particularly care for Bud either although I will say as lagers go, there really isn't much difference between Bud and all of the local Vietnamese brews. After a while I will reveal that I too don't think Budweiser is actually the best and we'll have a laugh.

The other thing I can do is something I did the other day that got some people all worked up. It was in the morning and the USA was playing Bosnia and Herzegovina and I will say something like "it's not fair that USA has to play two countries at the same time."

I used this trick in the past when playing Trinidad and Tobago and it always works.

I am aware of the countries guys, it's just a wind up and I wouldn't do it if it didn't work so reliably. Other tactics I will use are

• pretending to not understand extra-time
• a non understanding of offsides
• periodic insistence that the game is called "soccer"
• suggesting that every single call against USA is "bullshit"

It's actually a lot of fun especially when the people figure out that I am actually extremely well-versed on not living in the United States and actually, don't really know what it is like TO LIVE THERE seeing as how I haven't since the early 2000's.

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_{say something like. "I guess USA is so good at SOCCER that they have to play two countries at the same time!".... Then break into a USA USA USA! chant}

I am yet to encounter anyone that this social trick of mine makes genuinely upset and most everyone I meet kind of thinks it is fun. When Australians discover that I actually know quite a lot about NRL and AFL they realize that I am not full of shit. I can also name near entire squads from what I consider to be the glory days of the English Premiere League as well and am familiar with the promotion and relegation system. Why this impresses someone means to me that their expectations are probably pretty low and deservedly so.

I'm pretty worldly and am aware of the stereotypes that Americans end up with when abroad. Nearly nobody's culture is stupid, and just because you don't understand a particular sport doesn't mean that said sport is dumb. It can be a lot of fun to watch cricket with people that are big fans of it and it has been my experience that non-Americans, if they just try to understand my enthusiasm for it, can also enjoy American football games.

The commercial breaks suck though, that hatred is universally correct.